What We Learned from the Spurs loss to the Suns

Dec 5, 2022 - 5:17 PM

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I can’t say this was my favorite Spurs game of all time. That’s not really what we’re about these days though, is it? No. We’re in it for the vibes. We’re watching these games to figure out some higher truths about the universe. We want to understand the depths of of our despair in order to internalize the, uh, righteousness of our...mission? I don’t know. We’re doing something weird because we sure aren’t here for the wins.

I truly can’t get over how bizarre it is to watch this team right now. They are not even a remote threat to win basketball games. I know that’s okay and I know that’s on purpose, but still, it’s breathtaking to behold. It’s like how everyone will tell you that giraffes are totally normal but then you go see one and it’s like, wait, that’s a giant horse with crazy spots and an obscenely long neck. That’s insane!! The Spurs are like a giraffe is what I’m trying to say.

If you can’t tell, I’m trying to avoid talking about the basketball because, frankly, I don’t really want to! The basketball was bad and it was bad on purpose. I sit down and watch these games and every single time I convince myself I’m going to lock in and focus on the player development going on. I’m going to see how the offense is evolving. I’m going to watch our defensive rotations and take notes about whether or not the guys seem to be communicating effectively with each other. I’m going to glean great insights into how our young players are growing into the pieces of a future championship team. I’m going to focus on the process, not the results. This is my mantra and I say it to myself just before tip off every...single...time.

You can probably imagine how that’s going.

The problem is that it’s just not how my brain works. I’m not smart enough to process change and development on a scale like this. It’s like the Spurs front office plopped me down next to a river and told me to stare at it intently for the next million years of so. “See that water rushing and flowing over these rock formations,” they said. “Well, eventually it’s going to be a canyon!” That’s great news, but Deandre Ayton just dunked on my head again and I’m not having any fun.

Yes, I’m going to complain about it. Who’s going to stop me? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? Don’t pretend you’re psyched about this either. We’re all down here in the swamp of a double digit losing streak and the only thing keeping us upright is the feint light of a lanky french teenager who may or may not be coming through those doors someday. I think we should complain because we have nothing else at our disposal. Am I supposed to be mad at the players? They didn’t sign up for this and they’re just doing their best. The coaching staff? They’ve been given dry noodles and a can of tomatoes and asked to make a feast. The font office? They have a small market team with a small market budget and have determined this is the best way to get a franchise changing player. I don’t even disagree with the choice!

So what are we supposed to do? I choose to complain. Not about anything specific and not at anyone in particular, just a general...shaking of fists at the heavens, you know? Old men yelling at clouds and things of that nature. This stinks. It’s not fun and its not happy and it just...stinks. This ride is a bummer and I’d like to get off as soon as possible. Please. I’m asking nicely.

The Spurs have lost 11 straight. They play the Rockets on Thursday. I know a loss in that one would be a spicy little investment in the Wembayama Stock Market but, I don’t know, a win sure would be a nice investment in this particular Spurs fan’s mental health.

Just something to consider.

Takeaways:

• I’m doing my best not to use this space as an informal ‘Did Keldon Johnson Stink Today?’ meter but, well, as far as compelling storylines go on the Spurs these days, Keldon Johnson’s stinkiness levels are about as good as it gets. The good news is that on a scale of 1-10 I’d probably put him at a 6 for this one! KJ wasn’t half bad in this outing. In fact, I’d go so far as to say he was half good. He shot the ball reasonably well and looked more confident than I’d seen him look in a long while. Did Keldon Johnson Stink Today? I think we can safely say: No!
• The Suns are really freaking good. On the best of days with the fullest of rosters, the Spurs would probably have a hard time handling these folks and that probably needs to be taken into consideration whilst doing any moping around about this overall performance. The Spurs aren’t going to be favored against, well, anyone, at the moment. But one of the best teams in the league isn’t going to be a great barometer to determine the overall health of the squad.
• It remains upsetting to me when the Spurs wear their road uniforms at home. I feel like the uniform situation in the NBA has gotten completely out of hand and someone needs to step in tell them to lock it up. Every team has 4 different jerseys and there is no rhyme or reason for when they wear them. It’s complete anarchy out there. The colors don’t make sense, the courts rarely match. That special feeling you used to get when a team wore a fun throwback jersey once in a blue moon? Gone. It’s like they’re serving ice cream for breakfast. This league needs an adult. I’m not going to go so far as to say that the this uniform situation running amok is a reflection of the downfall of society, but lets see how long this losing streak goes. If it stretches out to 20 then you guys might get treated to a full blown manifesto.

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WWL Post Game Press Conference

- You used to have a whole thing where you discussed Tim Duncan’s wardrobe in hyper specific detail after every single game, right?

- You’re talking about Tim Duncan Fit Watch? Yes, the season where Timmy served as an assistant coach and wore rad suits on the sideline, we did work to chronicle those little miracles. Yes.

- Well, Tim happened to make an appearance at the game last night, would you care to give us an assessment on the fit?

Photo by Ronald Cortes/Getty Images

- Wow, ok, so....There’s a lot to take in. The jacket is...perfect? It’s the type of jacket that only the genius possess and the insane lament. If a layperson like, you know, me, were to wear a leather biker jacket like that then he would be thrown in a river and told to get a real job. Not Tim though. He looks like he was born into that jacket. He looks like he’s ready to solve crimes playing by his own rules even though his Sargent wants him to play it by the book.

- The jacket is really saying all that?

- Oh you betcha. The fact that he’s waring a graphic tee featuring a skull wearing a leather helmet only reinforces the idea that Tim is operating on a level mere mortals could never comprehend. Again. If I were to wear a graphic tee with a skull on it, people would leave their houses in order to throw bits of trash at my head while yelling some variation of, “who do you think you are?” On Tim, well, it serves as an understated pop of color subtly hinting that it’s wearer might be harboring a mischievous secret.

- Wow. What about the pants?

- The pants are fine.