Random Thoughts: Topsy Turvy Bizarro World

Oct 4, 2022 - 1:05 PM

Auburn gets miracled by LSU in Jerdin-Hair. Georgia Tech beats Pitt. Kansas and Syracuse are 5-0. Duke leads the ACC Coastal Division. Oklahoma and Wisconsin are doormats. James Madison! Up is down. Left is right. Human sacrifice. Dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!

SEC

Alabama 49 Arkansas 26 - What if I told you that your team would lose the star quarterback and a key secondary player in the 2nd quarter, commit 10 penalties for 101 yards, drop several passes, miss the first field goal of the season, give up an onsides kick, and have a bad snap on a punt deep in their own end? And what if I told you it was all in a road game against the nation’s No. 20 team? What would you think? No team overcomes all those things to win by 23, right? Cue Jonathan Allen.

LSU 21 Auburn 17 - It was another wacky miracle at Jerdin-Hair but this time it was the other Tigers being being blessed with the crazy bounce. Working on their third quarterback Robby Ashford (19-38, 337 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT, 1 LOST FUM), Aubie jumped out to a 17 point lead and then went to sleep offensively. LSU QBs Jayden Daniels (8-20, 80 YDS, 0, 0) and Garrett Nussmeier (2-6, 5 YDS) were godawful and the team was outgained 438 to 270. Auburn’s four turnovers were lethal. This was a painfully bad football game.

Mississippi State 42 Texas A&M 24 - Second verse, same as the first. TAMU turned the ball over four times and Will Rogers (31-45, 329 YDS, 3 TD, 0 INT) shredded the Aggies secondary.

Ole Miss 22 Kentucky 19 - Some of the blabbermouths on TV think UK quarterback Will Levis is the second coming of Peyton Manning. If you are a frequent reader of Random Thoughts, you know this author is no fan. This game is Exhibit A. The Wildcats had two chances to win this game and screwed up on two Levis fumbles in the final minutes and calling for the snap before everyone was set. The latter mistake negated a go-ahead touchdown. OM went up 19-6 in the second quarter and then took a nap on offense. They can pat themselves on the back all they want but they should have lost this one.

Trouble in paradise?

Georgia 26 Missouri 22 - For the second week in a row, the Bulldogs looked flat and uninspired. The Tigers seemingly had this one in the bag until they decided to play conservative up 22-12.

SEC VS CUPCAKES

Florida 52 Eastern Washington 17 - The Gators led 52-3 until the scrubs gave up a pair of garbage scores.

South Carolina 50 South Carolina State 10 - SC beat a bad HBCU with Spencer Rattler throwing two picks. Golf clap.

REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD

Illinois 34 Wisconsin 10 - Ol’ Bert went back to Madison and gave his former employer a good ol’ fashioned butt-whuppin’. They were so MAD is Mad City that they fired their coach. (See more in KOACHES KORNER below.)

RAT POISON

Three teams that got a great deal of fluff from the talking heads this past were FSU, Minnie and UW. And boy, did they eat it up.

UCLA 40 Washington 32 - It’s strange how every time UW and former Indy QB Michael Penix gets media attention, he turns into a turnover machine (2 INT, fumble).
Wake Forest 31 Florida State 21 - You knew the ‘Noles luck would run out soon. Next two games are at NC State and home vs Clemson. Hello, 4-3.
Purdue 20 Minnesota 10 - The Spoilermakers strike again. 8th year senior Tanner Morgan (18/33, 257 YDS) threw three picks and 0 TDs for previously 21st ranked Minnie.

INTERIM FEVER

Two teams playing with interim coaches got wins - one truly unexpected.

Georgia Tech 26 Pitt 21 - Just days after firing their coach (See more in KOACHES KORNER below), the Yeller Jackets surprised Sedon Klovis and the 25th ranked Panthers, and it really wasn’t that close. GT gave up a garbage touchdown at the end.
Nebraska 35 Indiana 21 - The Cornhuskers beat a FBS opponent for the first time in 364 days. Former Mizzouri Tiger Connor Bazelak (22-44, 223 YDS, 1 TD, 1 INT, 4 SACKS) is the Hoosiers QB. #LifeChoices

OTHER STUFF

Oklahoma State 36 Baylor 24 - Two fourth quarter interceptions doomed the Bears. Thank God we can stop all this Baylor talk now.

Kansas 14 Iowa State 11 - The ISU kicker missed three field goals, including a 37-yarder with a chance to tie the game with under 30 seconds to play. Jalon Daniels was not great for KU (7-14, 93 YDS, 8 RUSH, 9 YDS). The Jayhawks had only 213 total yards and 10 first downs.

TCU 55 Oklahoma 24 - The Frogs had their way with the Sooners, running up a 41-17 halftime lead and cruising to win number 4 on the season. Okie QB Dillon Gabriel was knocked out of the game with a hard hit to the head (See SICK REPORT below) in the second quarter and his replacement Davis Beville looked in over his head. The game was over by then anyway.

Michigan 27 Iowa 14 - Ain’t
Clemson 30 NC State 20 - Gonna
Ohio State 49 Rutgers 10 - Write
Southern Cal 42 Arizona State 25 - Up.

KID BROTHER

Maryland 27 Michigan State 13 - At least one Tagovailoa had a good week. Taulia went 32 of 41 for 314 yards and a touchdown as Sparty (2-3) continues to circle the drain.

WORST DECISION OF THE WEEK

STUDLIEST MASCOT OF THE WEEK

CAMERA SHOT OF THE WEEK

DICK MOVE OF THE WEEK

COACH FIGHT!

BIG GUY TOUCHDOWN OF THE WEEK

NAME OF THE WEEK

Arizona State running back Xazavian Valladay - triple word score.

MOST FAMILIAR NAME OF THE WEEK

BYU running back Miles Davis.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

During ABC’s Kentucky-Ole Miss broadcast, it was reported that the Yankees game was in rain delay. To which Sean McDonough quipped, “What a shame.”

MOST CARTOONISH HELMET OF THE WEEK

Courting 5-year olds.

KAYSHON BOUTTE PEACE OUT WATCH

LSU WR Kayshon Boutte had one catch for 4 yards. How long until he comes up with the mysterious injury?

QUITTER OF THE WEEK

Super weenie Hank Bachmeier has straight up quit on his Boise teammates after four games. The four-year Smurfs starting QB says he plans to stop playing so he can redshirt and enter the Quitter Hole. He has been pretty awful this season including a 13 for 34, 93 yard passing effort in a loss to UTEP in Week 4. Boise’s back-up is a freshman who has played in only one game. Thanks, Hank! If by some miracle Bryan Harsin survives to coach another year at Auburn (Dear sweet benevolent Lord, please let this happen. Amen.), Bachmeier could reunite with the man who recruited him and coached him for the first two seasons (Dear sweet benevolent Lord...).

You may recall Houston QB D’Eriq King started this trend by grad-transferring to Miami after four games. Hmm, can you remind me how that turned out?

QUITTERS OF THE WEEK, PART DEUX

on3.com reported that “multiple” SMU players plan to take the Bachmeier route and sit out the rest of season with intention to preserve their redshirt year and enter the transfer portal. However, the Dallas Morning News could only confirm two Mustangs doing so with possible two others believed to follow suit.

STATIONARY RUNNING BACK OF THE WEEK

Northwestern RB Cam Porter had 7 rush attempts for -5 yards against Penn State.

STATS OF THE WEEK

• Alabama has the nation’s highest scoring differential of 37.4 ppg. Second is Ohio State, a whole field goal+ behind at 34.0 followed by Michigan (33.8) and James Madison (31.0).
• Through five games, Iowa has punted 34 times - most of any Power-5 team.
• Kansas scored a total of 32 touchdowns last season. They have 29 so far through five games.
• UConn’s win over Fresno was the first over an FBS team since 2019. The Huskies’ victory snaps an 18-game losing streak.
• EVIL STAT OF THE WEEK: Florida compiled 666 total yards in their win over Eastern Washington.

CREEPIEST GAMEDAY SIGN OF THE WEEK

This photo does not help deter the notion of the weirdo cult that exists at Auburn With a Lake.

THE WACKY WORLD OF DESI

With the addition of Pat McAfee, one would have to assume this is the swan song for Lee Corso. The 87-year old Corso did not make the trip to Clemson this past week and did not even participate remotely in the show because he was “not feeling well.” The funny thing is, GameDay really struggled to find a way to wrap up the show without Corso donning a team’s headgear. It was kind of awkward with everyone just looking at each other waiting for someone to do something. The show ran 6 minutes long and ended with a thud which forced several ABC regional games to postpone their opening kickoffs.

Desmond Howard is looking more and more like an idiot. Three of his four finalists are 3-2 and probably not making the CFP, including his champion Texas A&M. Desi said on Saturday morning that FSU “may be the best team in the ACC.” The ‘Noles proceeded to lose at home to Wake Forest by 10. Seriously daft.

ADOPT-A-TEAM NOMINATIONS

ON TRIPLE DOUBLE SECRET PROBATION:

• WE ARE MARSHALL! (3-2) - The Thundering Herd looked a little flat against the law offices of Garden-Webb 28-7. ULL comes to town a week from Wednesday.
• Appy State (3-2) - We didn’t learn much about the Mountaineers with them beating Citadel 49-0. ASU is expected to win at Texas State by 18.

NOMINATION:

• James Madison (4-0) - The Dukes smacked Texas State around 40-13. A road trip Arkansas State (+10) is next in line.
• Kansas (5-0) - The Jayhawks topped Iowa State 14-11. Next they host TCU as a five point underdog.

COUSINS

• Troy (3-2) - Who are these guys? The Trojans defeated WKU on the road 34-27. Southern Miss comes to town as a seven point underdog.
• South Alabama (4-1) - The Jags took down ULL in their house 20-17 on a 43-yard field goal as time expired. It’s now bye week for USA.

THAT ANNOYING GUY WHO THINKS “GOODFELLAS” WAS BORING

• UAB (2-2) - The Dragons must have had a poor week off because they lost to Rice 28-24. Next is an interesting home game with Middle Tennessee (+9.5).

SALUTE TO OUR TROOPS

Air Force had a little tougher time than anyone expected from Navy, but the Falcons take an early 1-0 lead in the Commander-in-Chief’s Trophy with a 13-10 win.

• Navy (1-3) - The Midshipmen host Tulsa as an five point underdog.
• Air Force (4-1) - The Falcons (-9) should win at Utah State. Not sure about that big spread though.
• Army (1-3) - The Black Knights handed Georgia State their first win 31-14. A likely loss awaits them at Wake Forest (-14.5).

Odds/lines are provided by DraftKings and subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

ELIMINATED FROM PLAYOFF CONTENTION

Eliminated: all non-Power 5 incl. Houston, Cincinnati, Boston College, Virginia Tech, Duke, Virginia, Miami-FL, Louisville, Georgia Tech, Notre Dame, Illinois, Purdue, Nebraska, Iowa, Wisky, Northwestern, Sparty, Rutgers, Indiana, West Virginia, Texas Tech, Texas, Kansas State, Cal, Stanford, Colorado, Arizona State, Arizona, Mizzou, Vandy, Florida, Auburn, South Carolina. NEW: Pitt, Okie, Baylor, Iowa State, Minnie, Oregon State, Arky, Texas A&M.

Premature Elimination: UCLA, Kansas, Syracuse.

Endangered: FSU, Wake, UNC, BYU, LSU, Missy State, Utah, Oregon, Washington State, Maryland. NEW: Washington, NC State, Kentucky

A way WAY WAY too early look at the College Football Playoff (CFP) picture:

• ACC - Duke and Syracuse are both tied for the lead in their divisions.
• Big 12 - Kansas and TCU face off for first place.
• Big Ten - Only three B1G teams are ranked. #TopHeavyConference. Northwestern (1-4) is tied for the lead in the B1G West.
• PAC-12 - It has to be a pretty bad omen for the PAC when the only two undefeated teams remaining are the two who are leaving the conference.
• SEC - Alabama, Georgia, Ole Miss, and Tennessee are in the Top 10.
• Indies - Despite the final score of 38-26, BYU struggled with a bad Utah State team.
• Non-Power 5 - Coastal Carolina, ya’ll?!? (not really, lol)

RANK ‘EM IF YOU GOT ‘EM

Alabama is back on top of the AP Poll but just barely.

17 TCU, 18 UCLA, 19 Kansas, 22 Syracuse, 23 Mississippi State, and 25 LSU make their first 2022 appearances in the top 25.

LET’S GO BOWLING!

• Of the 130 FBS teams, only 12 are still undefeated after five weeks: Alabama, Clemson, Coastal Carolina, Georgia, Kansas, Michigan, Ohio State, Ole Miss, Penn State, Southern Cal, Syracuse, UCLA. Frankly, it looks like a pretty good Christmas basketball tournament field.
• 88 teams, including the entire MAC and Conference USA, already have at least two losses.

LET’S GO BLOWING!

• Maybe legalizing marijuana was not such a great idea. Colorado and Colorado State are the only winless teams in FBS and, man, they are terrible. Karl Dorrell was rightfully fired (See KOACHES KORNER below). Somewhere out there, someone is coming up with a funny Walking Dead Karl meme.

Krazy Kristi’s “SHUT UP!” of the Week goes to ESPN/ABC/MLB/Yankees for their baffling insistence on Aaron Judge cut-ins.

Even after all the criticism and backlash ESPN got the week before for cutting into college football games for a mundane record, they doubled down and again cut into games this week. I didn’t before, but I sure hate Judge now and will root against him.

HEISMAN HYPE

Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

ODDS

Below are the top Heisman picks in order of the money lines. Bryce’s injury dropped him like rock. Gibbs moved back up a tick.

Odds are provided by DraftKings and many more options can be seen at that link including Clanga-Clang QB Will Rogers at +8000. [Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.]

1. QB C.J. Stroud (JR, Ohio State) +220 to +350 to +260 to +140 to +160
2. QB Caleb Williams (Soph, Southern Cal) +700 to +600 to +320 to +600 to +500
3. QB Bryce Young (JR, Alabama) from +400 to +300 to +340 to +350 to +800
4. QB Hendon Hooker (SR, Tennessee) +4000 to +1600 to +1200
5. RB Blake Corum (JR, Michigan) ???? to +1800 WHO?
6. QB Stetson Bennett XIV (8th YR SR, UGA) +1800 to +1400 to +1800 to +1800
7. QB Adrian Martinez (9th YR SR, Kansas) ???? to +1800
8. RB Jahmyr Gibbs (JR, Alabama) +3000 to +3000 to +3500 to +4000 to +2000
9. QB Jalon Daniels (JR, Kansas) +6000 to +2500 to +2800

DROPPING

• EDGE Will Anderson (JR, Alabama) +1600 to +2000 to +3000 to +4000
• RB Bijan Robinson (JR, Texas) +2200 to +2800 to +4000 to +8000
• RB TreVeyon Henderson (Soph, Ohio State) was out with an injury. He can forget it.
• QB Dillon Gabriel (SR, Okie) from ??? to +2800 +3000 to off the board

WHO SHOULD WIN

CLARIFICATION: This section IS for who deserves to win it.

This crazy thing is wide open.

• Bryce Young did not play for most of the game.
• C.J. Stroud was pretty dang pedestrian (13/22, 154 YDS, 2 TD, 1 INT) against Rutgers, so an Ohio State had to rely mostly on the running game.
• Stetson Bennett XXIV (24/43-312-0-0-lost fumble) didn’t do jack for 24 minutes of the Miz game.
• I keep waiting for Caleb Williams to face a team with a pulse. Southern Cal travels to Utah on October 15.
• It won’t be easy but Jalon Daniels is a real candidate if he can keep winning. But that might end this weekend against TCU.

THE SICK REPORT

• Oklahoma quarterback Dillon Gabriel left Saturday’s game with an injury after taking a big hit. His status for Saturday is unknown as he has entered concussion protocol.

• LSU defensive back Sevyn Banks was carted off the field after being injured on the opening kickoff against Auburn. He was later seen walking and wearing a neck brace. He will miss 5-6 weeks after sustaining spinal cord bruise.
• Georgia defensive tackle Jalen Carter will be out “a week or two” with knee injury according to Coach Bowlcut.
• Tennessee starting defensive back Warren Burrell had season-ending surgery to repair an “upper-body injury”. Well, that narrows is down. Wide receiver Cedric Tillman had tightrope surgery performed on his ankle. Alabama will see him in two weeks.

DRAMA

KOACHES KORNER

• Wisconsin fired coach Paul Chryst after the team’s 2-3 start punctuated with a 34-10 loss to Illinois and former Badgers coach Bert Bielema. Chryst has never had a losing season in Madison and was 67–26, B1G 43–18 in seven-plus seasons. Was this an emotional firing? Chryst collects $11 million and will not stay unemployed long.
• Karl Dorrell was relieved of his duties at Colorado after starting the season 0-5. He was 8-15 in the midst of his third season in Mork & Mindy’s town. Defensive coordinator Chris Wilson was also given the boot. Offensive coordinator Mike Sanford will serve as interim coach.
• Pandemic Pete Thamel claims that Georgia Tech is looking to find a coaching replacement before the season is over. His suggestions include Bronco Mendanhall formerly of Virginia and BYU, and Bill Clark formerly of UAB - both of whom stepped down due to health concerns. Didn’t we tell you this would happen? After last Saturday’s upset over Pitt, might former Bama Saban assistant and Yeller Jackets interim coach Brent Key get an interview? GT hosts Duke.
• Urban Meyer donated a can of 2019 Kirkland pumpkin pie filling and seven packets of Arby’s Sauce to the victims of Hurricane Ian.
• The Tennessee State Fair had a fat contest and Fat F*** Phil Fulmer came in first and second place.

TEEVEE

The SEC on CBS has topped the college football ratings charts for the three straight weeks. Florida-Tennessee in Week 4 and PSU-Aubie the week prior.

THIS WEEK

(Below is an abbreviated list of highlighted games of interest with lines provided by DraftKings. If you REALLY need to know about the big Colorado State-Nevada showdown, you can find the details here.)

Friday, October 7 - MUST NOT SEE TV

Nebraska at Rutgers 6pm/7pm FS1 - Yuckarooni
Houston at Memphis 6:30/7:30 ESPN2
Colorado State at Nevada 9:30/10:30 FS1
UNLV at San Jose Canseco State 9:30/10:30 CBSSN

Saturday, October 8

SEC

Auburn at Georgia (-28) 11am/noon CBS - UGA should pounded Aubie into the ground.
Tennessee (-3.5) at LSU 11am/noon ESPN - Someone is about to be exposed.
Arkansas at Mississippi State (-5) 11am/noon ESPN - We’re about to find out about Clanga.
Missouri at Florida (-10) 11am/noon ESPNU - Has Mizz righted the ship? Prolly not.
Ole Miss (-19.5) at Vanderbilt 3pm/4pm SECN
South Carolina at Kentucky (-10.5) 6:30/7:30 SECN - UK hangover or pisst off?

OTHERS WORTH A PEEK

Texas (-4) at Oklahoma 11am/noon ABC - The Red River Shootout has lost some sparkle but this game is always a wild one.
TCU (-5) at Kansas 11am/noon FS1 - Whoda thunk this would be an interesting game a few months ago?
Florida State at NC State (-3.5) 7pm/8pm ACC - LOSER’S BRACKET

THE PAC ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT WANT YOU WATCHING THIS ONE

Oregon State (-7) at Stanford 10pm/11pm ESPN

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.

SABAN vs. MACK, POP & BEAR

Below is a count of career FBS/Division I-A win totals for coaches.

For those of you new to RBR Random Thoughts, we count all on-field wins at the FBS/Division I-A level. So, before you go squawking about Frank Beamer, 42 of his wins came at Murray State. Mack Brown had six victories in one season with Appalachian State when they were still in what was known at I-AA (FCS today). Brian Kelly won 118 games with something called Grand Valley State. So, let’s stop talking about his win record with such reverence. In addition, we don’t recognize NCAA sanctioned forfeits. If you won on the field, it counts in our books.

With a 41-10 win over lowly Va Tech, Mack Brown stays 16 behind Saban.

Pop Warner and Bear Bryant are not looking too far ahead...

#ALABAMA

• Nick Saban on Bryce Young post-game: “Bryce has a little AC sprain in his shoulder. We’ll have to take it day-to-day. I think he’s OK. He doesn’t have a serious injury. We didn’t think he could go back in the game today because I didn’t think he had much steam on throwing the ball. He’s had these before, and in a few days, he starts to respond pretty well, so we’ll just have to see how it goes and play it day-to-day.”
• On Monday, Saban said Brian Branch “should be okay after today (Monday’s practice).”
• Justin Eboigbe has a “neck injury that we’re having specialists look at.” It is highly doubtful he plays on Saturday.
• Jahmyr Gibbs was named SEC Offensive Player of the Week.
• True freshman behemoth Jaheim Oatis made his third consecutive start on the Tide’s defensive line and recorded one solo tackle and seven assists. He also had his first sack of the season.
• Fellow true frosh Isaiah Bond stepped up HUGE with a 53-yard catch from Young and a 23-yard gainer from Jalen Milroe. Bond and Kobe Prentice (3 REC, 92 YDS, TD) combined for 168 receiving yards.
• Bond, Oatis, and Prentice join OG Tyler Booker and RB Jamarion Miller as freshmen who have played in all five games this season and thus are ineligible for a redshirt.
• JoJo Earle made a surprise return and had one catch for a 22 yard touchdown.
• Kool-Aid McKinstry leads the nation in punt returns with 64.2 ypg. The next highest is a guy from ULL with 48.0.
• Alabama-Tennessee will be on CBS 2:30/3:30.

#NeverJimbo

GAME 6: Saturday, October 8, 2022

Texas A&M Aggies (3-2) at Alabama Crimson Tide (5-0)

Tuscaloosa, AL ~ 7:00pm CT/8:00pm ET, CBS

• This is a big one. Despite the Aggies record, there will be a lot of attention spent on this game because Jimbo Fisher has an ass-whupping coming his way and the bill has come full due.
• It is Year 5 of the Jimbo scourge in Fake-Army Land where he is 37-15 overall. If you want to digress as a quarterback, sign with TAMU.
• Fisher says QB Max Johnson is day-to-day as they continue to evaluate a hand injury. I don’t believe a word that comes out of that guy’s mouth.
• Tuscaloosa forecast calls for a high of 75° with partly cloudy skies and no chance of rain. However, the temperature will drop down into the mid 40s overnight. Bring a jacket. And a hat.
• TV Announcers: Brad Nessler and Gary Danielson with non-blonde Jenny Dell roaming the sidelines.
• Alabama Radio is probably a better option than Gary.
• Alabama is 11-3 all-time versus the Aggies. The Tide lost to TAMU last season after winning the previous eight.
• Even with the questionable status of Bryce Young, the line provided by DraftKings has Bama as a -24 favorite. The Over/Under is 52.

Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.