Lane Kiffin: Airport aficionado

Jan 20, 2023 - 5:34 PM

One of the best recurring Twitter bits doesn’t belong to a comedian, celebrity, or 19-year old influencer with 25 million followers. It belongs to Lane Kiffin, as he flies around the country trying to convince high school and college football players to join him at Ole Miss.

You’re mindlessly scrolling through the charred hellscape of Twitter at 2:47 on a Wednesday afternoon or 9:18 on Friday night, and there it is. An exterior shot of the Trent Lott International Airport in Moss Point, Mississippi. No text, no emojis, just an image with no context.

It is Lane Kiffin either finding a way to amuse himself while traveling or letting you know that, to steal a quote from Ric Flair, he’s a stylin’, profilin’, limousine-ridin’, jet-flyin’, kiss-stealin’, wheelin’ and dealin’ son of a gun. But either way, he’s absolutely not telling you what he’s up to, which is the beauty of the bit.

Let the people speculate and fill his mentions with specific details about the area as if he is soliciting that information. As a pro tip, you don’t have to reply to tweets! You can just look at it and move on. It’s fine!

Whatever Kiffin’s motivation for airport documentation, it’s important that we track and review his art. So, starting with the above tweet from December 2, 2022, let’s take a closer look at the December and January airport art of Lane Kiffin.

Trent Lott International Airport

Location: Moss Point, Mississippi (the official address; the code references Pascagoula)

Google rating: 4.3 stars

Most interesting Google review: “Although a little small, there is a personal level of service at this facility. Not so busy but can be during peak seasons. Hope to see a school or restaurant here someday.”

It could be a combination flight school and Strom Thurmond apologist school.

Most negative Google review: “This airport sucks, what a waste of time and money...”

It’s unclear why that review ended with an ellipsis because the reviewer did not return to leave another negative review. I suppose they could, but that was 4 years ago and it feels kind of final.

Best perk(s): The cafe serves a “5-star” breakfast, the lunch is excellent, and everyone gets a “Hug Your Favorite Lobbyist” t-shirt. Only two of those things are allegedly true.

Business Jet Center - Dallas

Location: Dallas, Texas (Love Field)

Google rating: 4.8 stars

Most interesting Google review: “They have ice cream, sodas, slushy & popcorn to choose from. They also have vending machines, this place offers so much for clients and pilots.”

Crooting and crushing ice cream sandwiches. If Lane Kiffin has eaten an ice cream sandwich from the Business Jet Center, I hope he ate it with a knife and fork to enrage the haters and losers, of which there are many.

True Love Field Story: Flying in once (main terminal not the U FANCY life jet center), and we were a few thousand feet off the ground when our plane got waved off. The pilot smashed the throttle, and we started roar-climbing to get more altitude.

After we got the necessary height, we made a big circle, got back on approach, and then landed. Everything was fine, but when you’re coasting in for a landing and all of a sudden the engine goes maximum volume and you feel the acceleration, it’s equal parts EXHILARATING and I THINK EVERYTHING IS PROBABLY OKAY BUT WHO KNOWS.

Most negative Google review: “All of these people leaving reviews about “friendly staff” and “great customer service” obviously have different standards than I. I have flown my King Air 350 into Business Jet Center - DAL many times over the past couple of years (buying @ $1,000.00 worth of jet fuel each time) and not once has any of the “friendly staff” thanked me. If I ever catch any of my employees not thanking a customer, I fire them. I grew up in a time when people had manners. That is now almost gone from our society. Dallas Executive is looking better and better. Last time I went in there, the lady at the front desk said, “Thank you.”

Sounds like a fun person to be around! I’m not sure how many people this person flew to Washington, D.C. for January 6th, but it was at least 5.

Lovell Field Airport

Location: Chattanooga, Tenneessee

Google rating: 4.4 stars

Most interesting Google review: “Only complaint is the bathrooms are too quiet need some music or something so people can’t hear you using the toilet.”

Muzak is used best when it prevents strangers from hearing the details of your morning poop.

Most negative Google review: “If you land at night expect incompetence, delays, and lost luggage. I’ve experienced this multiple times. Not once. Not twice. Not even three times. I think who ever is managing this airport needs to be evaluated.”

What about four times? Or NOT EVEN FOUR TIMES?

Crisp County-Cordele Regional Airport

Location: Cordele, Georgia (a little over 2 hours south of Atlanta)

Google rating: 3.8 stars

Most interesting Google review: “Awesome place for a balloon launch!!”

Wherever American Airlines isn’t, good things are happening.

Most negative Google review: “Can’t simply give a receipt for a fueling. Their words ‘can’t help you.’”

Is that a quote from people at the airport or is this reviewer saying that whatever they say, it can’t help you get a fueling receipt? Sentence structure and clarity, Google reviewers!

Best/worst perk(s): Dodging hot air balloons on approach and takeoff.

Piedmont Triad International Airport

Location: Greensboro, North Carolina

Google rating: 4.4 stars

Most interesting Google review: “Great small airport. Really fast to get into and out of. They also do a good job with artwork in the spaces in and around the terminal.”

Take in some culture while waiting on your delayed American Airlines flight.

Most negative Google review: “This place is a joke! The service at the restaurant was ridiculous and wanted to call security because we sat down and our flight had been delayed 2 hours and they wanted to close and we needed to have something to eat. We didn’t cause the delay.”

The word “and” is doing a lot of work in that second sentence. Commas and general punctuation, Google reviewers!

McComb-Pike County Airport

Location: McComb, Mississippi

Google rating: 4.4 stars

Most interesting Google review: “I always like come in there the freshest bake cookies in all of Mississippi some of the cheapest fuel prices and the friendliest people all around ,,love this place.”

Well, you certainly can’t go wrong with fresh baked cookies. Unless they inexplicably have nuts in them, in which case, THROW THEM IN THE TRASH.

Most negative Google review: None! Our country’s only perfect airport.

BTR Jet Center

Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Google rating: 5.0 stars

Most interesting Google review: “Great facility. Free soft drinks and alcohol and snacks. They also have free hats and shirts. Friendly and competent linemen as well. Support local businesses!”

I would love to tell people the “I spend my money on women, booze, and gambling. The rest I waste.” t-shirt I’m wearing is both free and from an airport in Louisiana.

Most negative Google review: None! Our country’s second perfect airport.

Laurel Airport (Hesler-Noble Field)

Location: Laurel, Mississippi

Google rating: 3.3 stars

Most interesting Google review: “It is still an Active general aviation airport.”

CC: Pilots looking for a place to land.

Most negative Google review: None! Well, obviously someone took the time to give a low star rating, but they weren’t upset enough with their experience to write anything. Laurel Airport customers: pretty normal people!

Best perk(s): It is still an active general aviation airport.

Unknown

A tough scene when the Aggie broke bois owe Jimbo so much money that they can’t even afford a Gulfstream lease.

Trent Lott International Airport (Redux)

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