Tuesday Game Thread: vs. The Central Arkansas Purple Cocaine Bears

Feb 21, 2023 - 9:27 PM

Obligatory.

Tuesday February 21st vs. The Central Arkansas Purple Cocaine Bears

‘22 Record: 24-29 (18-12 ASUN).

‘23 Record: 2-1 (0-0 ASUN).

After battling three pre-season top 10 teams, we return home for some mid-week normalcy. Except this bear did cocaine!!!

Sorry, sorry... I’ll get back to the baseball stuff.

The Purple Cocaine Bears were basically out of conference and mid-week cannon-fodder last year, but performed perfectly cromulently against ASUN competition. Thus far, they’ve taken 2 of 3 from SEMO (who is usually a pretty good mid-major team), so these purple bears may well have... you know... taken something. Something illicit. Something white and powdery and grown in Colombia.

No, not white coffee.

Player to Watch: #24 Sr. OF Dylan “The Cocaine Bear Ate All My Vowels” Cyr (.400/.455/.900 with 2 2B, 1 HR, and 2 RBI). I can’t even find their 2022 stats on their website, so I have no idea if this means he had one good weekend, or it’s part of a larger pattern of power.

...and, after 30 seconds of internet sleuthing, found his player page, and oh no... he did not have a good season at the plate last year (.179/.343/.429). What he does have, though, is an epic cop moustache:

Anchor of Gold Tiger Beat Hottest Pitcher: #13 Jr. LHP Jesse “Remember to Spay and Neuter Your Cocaine Bears” Barker (1-0, 0.00 ERA). We will likely not have to face him, as he started and threw 5 &2/3 IP on Saturday.

*Note: Of course the Purple Cocaine Bears do have some epic Central Arkansas-like names on the roster, like Jack Angus, Trent Gregson, Coleman MacRae, The Brothers Cade and Hayden Seldomridge, and Ezekiel McHillpeople.

**Addendum: Only one of those names was made up by me.

On the Mound

Tuesday @ 4:30pm CT on SECN+ (*See you in hell, FloSports)

#88 Vanderbilt Jr. RHP Patrick “The Life Of” Reilly (2-3; 4.99 ERA)

vs. #18 Central Arkansas Jr. LHP Pay “Hotel Resort Surcharge” Windham (3-5; 5.32 ERA).

*All records and ERAs from 2022 because duh.

The Lineup

Mid-week action! See you in the comments.