Coach Lane Kiffin’s yoga class is sold out

Mar 1, 2023 - 2:35 PM

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Last week, Lane Kiffin, Ole Miss head coach and yoga aficionado, extended an invitation to the public to join him in Vaught-Hemingway Stadium for a unique yoga experience.

For the low price of $20 and the burden of hauling a mat and water, people could experience a yoga class intended to challenge and contort the body*, while relaxing the mind in a place where relaxation DOESN’T HAPPEN A LOT.

*I read a story about college football players going through a pre-NFL combine workout camp, which featured a few weeks of awful feats of strength and sprints. They were also required to attend a yoga class two or three times a week, and they all said it was the hardest thing they had to do and endlessly complained about it.

The class is already sold out, as people tend to get excited about potentially fun things, or they want to feel physical pain in Vaught-Hemingway as a change-up from the mental anguish they’ve felt in there a quarter of a million times.

At this point, sources* have not indicated whether the yoga class will feature a football twist, given the venue and figurehead of the class, but it’s possible. Because it is a possibility, I am here to offer support.

*Lane Kiffin tweets

Certainly not physical or financial support, but if they’re looking for Lane Kiffin-themed or Ole Miss-themed yoga pose names, I have a list at the ready. Per the usual, these are free with any Red Cup Rebellion subscription, and I hope to see them on the jumbotron as it helps instruct the class on what pose is next.

Your Lane Kiffin/Ole Miss-themed yoga poses:

Beginner Poses

• Pro Mindset Lotus
• Portal Plank
• Downward-Facing Jimmy Sexton
• Call Sheet Warrior Toss
• Bahamas Double Pigeon
• Bharadvaja’s Auburn Twist
• Halftime Wardrobe Change Revolved Triangle

Intermediate Poses

• Juice Pooping on the Rug
• Forced Field Goal Plow
• Inverted Grove Squirrel
• Tad Pad Sad Dolphin
• ‘Sip Side Plank
• Reclining Landshark
• Sardis Swaying Palm Tree
• Coop DeVille Struttin’ Rooster

Advanced Poses

• Bianco Bodhisattva
• Omaha Stretched-Out Scorpion
• Inverted Downward-Facing Jimmy Sexton
• Burner Phone Disposal Crane
• Grove Collective Financial Oversight Handstand
• One-Legged King Chicken-on-a-Stick
• Rebel Bear’s Heavenly Ascension
• Colonel Reb Dining With the Devil