Hot tempers and hot hands: Wings beat Pens 7-4 in a barn burner

Mar 29, 2023 - 2:02 AM

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You put your Griffins in, you take your Griffins out, you put your Griffins in and you skate ‘em all about. You do the hockey puckey and you turn the lines around, that’s what Spring’s all about!

First Period

It’s everyone’s favorite time 5 minutes in, a Rrrrrred Wings Powerplay! Berggren draws a penalty and Friedman is in the Fiend Flophouse for slashing. Not a bad powerplay but they didn’t score so it wasn’t good. Missing Chiasson obviously.

Biiiiiig stretchums save from Ned on Malkin.

Friedman is back in the Bad Boy Box for boarding Larkin. Another Rrrrrred Wings Powerplay! That’ll get us past the halfway mark. Wings keep it in the Pens zone for 1:30, great effort and Larkin gets a crossbar. But the second unit gets it done. BERGGREN SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORES! 1-0 Wings.

34 seconds later...COPP SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORES! 2-0 Wings.

Now it’s the Pens turn for a powerplay. Czarnik in the Zoinks! Zoo and the Wings are on their first penalty kill with 6 minutes to go. And get a short-handed chance. Penalty killed with Ned looking sharp.

“What is going on? Jeepers.” -Mickey Redmond. Why did he say this? Because KUBALIK SCOOOOOOOOORES! 3-0 Wings. Ken explains to Mick that this is not what The Computer would have predicted. “Artificial intelligence? I don’t know about that.”

(Goal was announced as Lindstrom first but they changed it).

That’ll do it! Wings up 3-0 and shots 10-9 Wings.

Second Period

Wings are playing confidently to start the second, not their usual second period vibe. This is deflated by the Pens scoring after a fluttering puck bounces around in from of Ned but Zucker is able to fire it in. 3-1 Wings. That’s sparked the Pens back to life and it gets worse as the Wings head to the penalty kill. Lindstrom in the Timeout Terrarium this time.

It gets worse as we’ll play 5v3 for 1:23 with Walman in the Goon Garden. Malkin scores. 2-1 Pens and they’re still on the powerplay. (The goal is later changed to Guentzel.)

A play that needs a lot of review to tell if the puck was over the line and it was. Tie game. OR IS IT? We have a Jeff Blashill Memorial Goaltender Interference Coaches Challenge. It’s a very long review. We see about six thousand replays where it could go either way. They say the call on the ice stands. Newsy is furious. And the Wings are shorthanded again. David Perron will serve the Newsy’s penalty in the Mean Machine Manor.

All penalties are killed and there are 9 minutes to go with the game tied 3-3.

NEWSY HAS BEEN TOSSED FROM THE GAME. Not literally. But he “blew a bunch of breakers and fuses” as Mickey put it and received a game misconduct. It’s getting me ready for baseball season, like if Angel Hernandez was a hockey ref.

Things are getting out of hand now. Larkin is now in the Larkin-Would-Never Locker, falsely accused of a sports crime. Wings back on the penalty kill with 4 minutes to go. The false penalty is killed.

An eventful period comes to a close and the Wings get a chance to regroup.

Third Period

Jake Walman making himself known with some dekes, he keeps the puck alive in the Pens zone. From there, DAVID PERRON SCOOOOOOOOOOORES! Wings take back the lead 4-3. His first goal in 10 games. A great pass by Larkin sets him up.

The lead doesn’t last long. Archibald scores and it’s tied again 4-4.

Friedman is involved in a penalty again, but this time on the victim side. Kubalik heads to the Knave Kennel for boarding. Friedman is forced to the quiet room, which is not a cute name for anything it’s just a place players have to go when there is enough head contact. Red Wings on another penalty kill.

Penalty killed with some saves by Ned, a blessing from the goalpost, and Erne blocks a shot and limps down the tunnel.

Halfway through and shots are 32-19 Pens and still tied 4-4.

The Red Wings get another powerplay finally! Seider is hi-sticked and no blood so it’s a 2 minute penalty. Rust in the Outlaw Oubliette and before I even finished typing this sentence PERRON SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORES! Faceoff wins matter, gang. 5-4 Wings with 3 minutes to go.

And right as I finished typing that sentence, DAVID PERRON HAT TRICK PARTY!! 6-4 WINGS.

DeSmith has left the net with 2:45 to go.

Larkin gets the empty-netter to put a cherry on top of the Spoil The Pens Playoff Points Attempt sundae.

RED WINGS WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN! 7-4.

And that’s officially it for me, gang! WIIM may shut down but my names for the penalty box will never die.