Awakening from coma, Twins fan asks “what the hell happened”

Oct 7, 2022 - 10:00 AM

Mark Oleson made the worst medical decision of his life on May 25, 2022.

The 38-year old father of two and die-hard Twins fan thought he had stumbled into a great opportunity — a professional sports medical team was going to look at his hangnail. As his wife, Ashley, tells it:

Yeah, so Jessica down the street, her husband Steve is the assistant shaman for the Twins’ medical staff. And you know, our littles they just love their virtual playdates, and we were drinking wine, and she offered to get Mark’s silly hangnail looked at. And we were all like, you know, why not?

Twinkietown, let me tell you — apparently Mark isn’t as big of a Twins fan as he claims to be. Otherwise he, like you and I, would have known the risks inherent here.

On May 24th, Mark’s life was good. The Twins were off to a torrid start, Byron Buxton was looking like a healthy MVP, and he was going to have a routine and minor medical situation addressed.

Friends, Mark just woke up from a medically-induced coma last night, October 6th. He looked over at his roommate, a familiar-looking young man with an impressive moustache, and said “What the hell happened?”

“They did you the same as they did me” replied Randy Dobnak, from the next bed. Still better than what they did a couple other guys.