A Thanksgiving Roast with a side of Apple Cup

Nov 25, 2022 - 5:55 PM

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Good morning, Coug fans!

It’s officially Christmas season, if you’re among those who wait until after Thanksgiving to start the festivities. It’s also the last day of the official 40-13 era. Sad!! However, tomorrow, our very own Washington State Cougars have the opportunity to keep the cup against the University of Washington Huskies. I am vaguely nauseous just thinking about it, although that could be the Thanksgiving-hangover. Sorry, mom...

Nonetheless, when I was thinking about what to write today, it didn’t feel right to gloss over Hate Week, especially on the last non-gameday. So I thought in the spirit of all the food we just ate yesterday, some of you might still have some room for a roast! I did this once before, in 2019, and like fine wine- I believe most of my jokes aged quite well. But there’s always room for improvement! Let’s get into it!

(This is all meant to be taken lightheartedly and in the good jolly spirit of friendly competition! Please do not take me seriously!)

Firstly, I wonder how it felt to lose to Arizona State! Can’t relate to that! This apple hangs lower in the tree, so I know it’s a bit more obvious, but they’re 3-8 so far this season, and one of those wins is the Huskies?! Make it make sense.

I googled the UW Head Coach, because I genuinely couldn’t name him before today, and he seems like if a gummy bear and one of those thumb villains from the movie Spy Kids managed to procreate. If you’re unfamiliar with that reference, I’ve attached a clip below. Skip ahead to 1:36 for the weird Thumb guys getting defeated.

Kalen DeBoer has the face of a gummy bear, but the slightly terrifying vibes of the thumb things!! They pose a threat to the kids in the movie, and you’re supposed to be scared (it’s off-putting for sure) but they also kind of make you laugh? This makes perfect sense to me.

The website for UW athletics is gohuskies.com, and that seems kind of desperate in my opinion. It takes the daily self affirmations we say to ourselves in the mirror one step further. Oh, you need your website to be a kind remark to your program? Does that make you believe in yourself more, University of Washington? (Does it actually though? Asking for a friend.)

Also, this might just be because I’m in the midwest and Google knows everything, but when you look up “UW Athletics” the top option is Wisconsin! I will do anything to bring up Wisconsin, the clearly superior UW.

University of Washington seems like if they had a tummy ache, it would take them completely out of commission. It would ruin their entire day. They would be incapable of functioning. Whereas we, as Cougs, know how to power through even the toughest battles (stomach pain).

This is a lower blow, but it’s true, their Twitter is just not as good as ours. I know Twitter is a tricky subject right now, but while we have it we just have to note the drastic differences. Is this just a way to reference how great our media team is? Maybe. But it’s true. We have the superior Twitter, and at least for now, that is a very important factor.

There’s also obviously a lot I could do with their quarterback being named Penix but I am opting to choose peace today. Know this is very difficult for me. We are all thinking it though, right?

I bet University of Washington is very bad at Sudoku. If any Huskies come for me with Sudoku receipts, I will retract my statement. But I maintain the fact that I’m probably a better Sudoku player. I think this is an incredibly important point of reference.

Overall, I love friendly rivalries, I love poking fun, and I love the fact that I get to connect with so many people in a lighthearted fashion. I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday, I hope we win the Apple Cup tomorrow, and I hope you, dear reader, got a kick out of my silly little jokes! Go Cougs say it back!!

Links

A Grip on Sports: This weekend features crimson, purple, blue, maize, heck every color of the rainbow | The Spokesman-Review
A GRIP ON SPORTS • Of all the rock and roll songs we listened to (and enjoyed) as a youngster, Steely Dan’s “Black Friday” made the least sense. The lyrics defied interpretation. We just chalked it up to the dangers of doing drugs and moved on. After all, the tune was cool.

How to watch Washington State vs. Detroit: NCAAB live stream info, TV channel, time, game odds - CBSSports.com
How to watch Washington State vs. Detroit basketball game

Detroit vs Washington State Pick, Preview & Betting Odds For Friday, November 25th - Knup Sports
Check out our free Detroit vs Washington State pick and preview for Friday, November 25th. See who we like to win and cover the spread in today's College Basketball matchup.

Cougars notebook: Three starters could return for Apple Cup | Washington State University | union-bulletin.com
Safety Jordan Lee seems ready to return to the Cougars lineup, but receiver Renard Bell and guard Ma'ake Fifita are bigger questions marks for Saturday's Apple Cup.

Golden, Jehlarova, Ryan named to CSC Academic team – The Daily Evergreen
Not only are the No. 25 ranked WSU volleyball women getting it done on the court, but several are also getting it done in the classroom. Three members of the 2022 team were named to the College Sports Communication Academic All-District Honors team, which honors players for their combination of on and off-the-court production. To...

Washington State linebacker Daiyan Henley named finalist for Butkus Award | Sports | wenatcheeworld.com
Nov. 23—PULLMAN — In his first and only season at Washington State, Daiyan Henley has distinguished himself in the program, earning a distinction that no Cougars linebacker before him had