NC Hate

Oct 1, 2022 - 9:28 PM

Hi folks, normally I save this opening section for light banter to get warmed up, but I need to address a salacious rumor floating in the NC State porta potty...pardon me, I mean, SB Nation site. I won’t validate the comment with a screen shot, but it cannot go unchallenged.

“Question 7.) Is Drewtigeralum really a Russian bot intent on destroying US democracy with tedious unfunny posts on a sports blog.”

This is going to seem hypocritical, because I’m going to spend the majority of this article hating on NC State, but let’s start this out with thought provoking lyrics from Swedish rock royalty, Royal Republic:

(clears throat)

you ain’t nobody

you ain’t nobody

you ain’t nobody ‘til somebody hates you

you ain’t nobody

you ain’t nobody

you ain’t nobody ‘til somebody hates you

As to these allegations. I can assure each and every one of you, even though I am a Russian bot bent on destroying US democracy, I am, in fact, hilarious. Granted, some things get lost in translation from my native Russian. My jokes hit even harder in Krasnoyarsk.

What we’re dealing with is a salty NC State fan, and honestly, I don’t blame “Ramdude” for his stunted sense of humor. I’m not sure I could crack a smile if the football team I supported last won a conference championship in 1979. Clemson has won 3 National Championships since the Wolfies magical 7-4 season during the Carter administration. I understand the criticism of my impeccable, revolutionary hate article comes from a place of pain and frustration.

Consider this, NC State parlayed 7 seasons of future Hall of Fame quarterbacks (Phillip Rivers and Russell Wilson) into a single 10 win season and 0 ACC Championships. They would have wasted 8 seasons of Hall of Fame quarterbacks, but the Pack ran off Wilson because they had half man/half neck Mike Glennon in their back pocket, and ran off their best chance to win something of note for an 8-5 season, and an equipment closet full of extra-long turtlenecks. I would be a humorless monster, instead of the witty wordsmith you see before you today, if I had to deal with that level of failure.

Imagine you’re an NC State fan and your beloved Wolf Pack finally manages to snipe an injured and uninspired Clemson team in overtime (still no excuse for losing to a 3rd rate program like State), blowing open a path for your first ACC Championship Game appearance, only to have your team piss it away in losses to a mediocre Miami squad and in-state rival Wake Forest. Not only did they come up short of the ACC Championship game, but they came up a game short of their second 10 win season in program history. Pack fans haven’t been down this bad since they received their rejection letters from North Carolina and Duke. My rage would be unquenchable. It’s hard to imagine, but being born into an NC State family is worse than being born into a Gamecock family. At least Gamecock fans go into the season knowing they are destined for frustration and futility. Wolfie fans, despite every historical indication, believe they actually have a chance. “Wait Till Next Year” is a slogan for South Carolina fans. “Wait Till Next Year” is a way of life for the folks in Raleigh.

The best thing about this NC State team is their fans think they have a shot to beat Clemson in Death Valley. This is up there with Louisville thinking they had a chance to knock off the champs at home during the Lamar Jackson era. Pack fans, like Gamecock fans, are easy marks because they are desperate to buy any glimmer of hope. All you need to do is say something nice about their program, and Wolf Pack fans will direct deposit their paycheck into your account. The jilted Clemson fan who makes lists (you know who I’m talking about) has built a twitter empire on the back of desperate NC State fans. I, being of superior moral fiber, would never take these poor rubes for every cent they have by gassing up a mediocre program, but in my weaker moments, it has crossed my mind.

It’s about 2 ¹⁄₂ hours to game time, and the Pack is about to find out what happens when you walk into Death Valley expecting a win. The Tiger faithful have been gearing up for at least 8 hours. Dabo is getting stretched out for his run down the hill. The Wolf Pack thinks it’s a big time football program. They think they’ve got something for Clemson tonight. They’re no different than the last 36 teams that have walked into the most intimidating venue in college football and left with an L. You’ve got a be special to beat Clemson in Death Valley under the lights, and there is nothing special about NC State. Just another run of the mill ACC victim for the Tigers to humble.

Go Tigers, stay safe, and I’ll see you next week. Even if this is a tedious, unfunny post on a sports blog, we can come together to laugh at NC State in the comments.