‘Ball Hell Breaking Loose: Deranged play calling and delusional Kentucky Fans

Oct 2, 2022 - 12:42 PM

While this week was nowhere near as bonkers as last week’s college football showdown, chaos can be found even in the lamest of games, if one only remembers to turn up the insanity. I think Dumbledore said that.

So without further ado, here’s your weekly chaos roundup of the wildest things we saw in college football this weekend.

Arkansas’ 3rd quarter onside kick?

I was really pulling for the Razorbacks here. Cranky Nick Saban makes me as happy as crying Clayton Kershaw (for reference, I have a photo of Clayton Kershaw looking despondent during a game at Wrigley framed above my bed). And for a large chunk of the 3rd quarter, I thought maybe Arkansas was just crazy enough to pull it off.

It all started with a touchdown, followed by their absolutely deranged choice to onside kick in the 3rd. We need more insane play-calling like this in college football. “Let’s throw em off! Do something unexpected! Oh what the hell - onside kick!” … and in this case, it WORKED. And it was almost the momentum shift the Razorbacks needed. They turned this kick into a pretty successful drive, and it looked like they were going to punch in back-to-back touchdowns without Bama’s offense taking the field.

Unfortunately for both the Razorbacks and my gallery wall, things fell apart for Arkansas somewhere around the Bama 3-yard line, where they were stopped and held to a field goal. It was pretty much Alabama’s game from there, but I do respect the ballsy nature of this 3rd quarter, and I hope the successful onside kick inspires more teams to throw spaghetti at the wall for the enjoyment of the rest of us.

Miyan Williams.

Miyan Williams scored FIVE (5) touchdowns for the Buckeyes on Saturday, y’all. I understand that this was not a close game (though Rutgers did give me a slight scare coming out of the gate). But five touchdowns for one player is simply bananas. It was great to see him really step into that ownership role with TreVeyon Henderson out (due to unspecified injury). Williams, who usually splits carries with Henderson, went on to have the best game of his OSU career, with 189 yards and his five TDs. It was all him, all day, to the point that the most interesting part of the game was guessing how many touchdowns he’d finish with.

Georgia’s back-to-back scares.

Georgia is the No. 1 team in the country, I guess?

Only they’ve had two back-to-back scares in games that should have theoretically been blowouts. For 75% of yesterday’s game, it looked like unranked Missouri was going to pull it off, even leading by double digits at one point. You’d think after letting Kent State put up 22 points last weekend, perhaps Georgia would have attempted to metaphorically dropkick their opponents this week. Are they overrated? Or is this some genius ploy to catch upcoming tougher opponents asleep at the wheel by giving them a false sense of security? We’ll stay tuned for next week, but I’m starting to think this Georgia team is fallible.

Bryce Young.

Alabama’s star quarterback and last year’s Heisman winner sustained a shoulder sprain against Arkansas, taking him out of the game in the first half. He was clearly frustrated, throwing his helmet down on his way to the medical tent, and it’s possible his injury is what gave Arkansas their glimmer of hope in the 3rd Quarter. But Alabama’s ability to bounce back with 2nd-string QB Jalen Milroe off the bench does prove their resilience.

With that said, for as much as we love to hate on Alabama, we never ever want to see guys get hurt, so we’re glad to hear this injury doesn’t seem to be serious. It was a shock to see him go down, but we’re sending well wishes for a speedy recovery.

Delusional Kentucky Fans.

Sometimes the most chaotic things about college football take place off the field. A personal favorite of mine was this garbage take from an SEC columnist that exemplified the response from Kentucky fans to their team’s loss to Ole Miss.

First of all, this is a very wordy way of saying, “We played like trash.”

Second of all, in what universe was Kentucky getting into the Top 5 EVEN WITH A WIN? Every single team in the Top 5 won their game today. USC, ranked No. 6 won their game. The very premise that Kentucky - KENTUCKY!!!! - would leapfrog their way into the top 5 from No. 7 by beating No. 14 Ole Miss, even when no one ranked ahead of them lost their games, is funnier than anything on the last five seasons of “SNL.” I mean, the audacity of this guy to even envision a world in which Kentucky is a top-5 team. Chaos. Comedy. You have to laugh.