Kirk Cousins, Vikings work out contract extension that will pay him entirely in Kohl’s Cash

Apr 1, 2023 - 4:00 PM

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With the Minnesota Vikings dealing with some salary cap issues and Kirk Cousins looking for some long-term security, the two parties have worked out a historic deal that should give both sides exactly what they want.

The Vikings and Cousins have announced that they have agreed to terms of a three-year, $120 million contract extension, the entirety of which will be given to Cousins in the form of Kohl’s Cash.

While this move might seem a bit unorthodox, it could be something that sets a precedent for teams across the league going forward. Both sides seem to be very pleased with how things developed.

“I’m a simple guy with simple tastes,” Cousins told reporters at the Twin Cities Orthopedics Performance Center on Saturday morning. “I’ve made a lot of money over the years, but now I’ve got an opportunity to make sure I have enough cargo shorts and khakis. You can never have too many khakis. . .Jim Harbaugh told me that when he was here interviewing for the head coach job last year.”

Cousins then abruptly left the press conference to take a phone call that appeared to be coming from a 734 area code.

General Manager Kwesi Adofo-Mensah also appeared to be happy that he had secured Cousins’ services for the near future as the team continues its “competitive rebuild.”

Adofo-Mensah told reporters, “Negotiations like these are never easy, but Kirk is an important part of our team, and this allows us to keep him in the fold and allows him to be compensated appropriately for his skills. On top of that, when you spend that money at Kohl’s, you can accumulate more Kohl’s Cash, so this deal has the potential to be worth a whole lot more than $120 million.”

In keeping with company policy, Cousins’ Kohl’s Cash will be valid starting on Monday and will expire the following Sunday. While that sounds like a very short time to spend a lot of money, we have the feeling that Cousins. . .and any other middle-aged dads in the Twin Cities area he might have in his phone. . .will be rolling in all the polo shirts they can handle for years to come.